Anger Management

So my “giving up” lasted all of 12 hours. Sorry.

Yesterday (technically, since I haven’t gone to bed yet) was quite the day. When someone asked me at dinner how they could pray for me (I was at bible study) I said, “anger management” because that was how I spent a large chunk of my Tuesday – fuming.

There was another kerfuffle with the house – another detail lost in the shuffle, clarified for the 10th time, hopefully not costing us any more money (or I’ll be fuming Wednesday too). There was a friend who called me in tears. There was news of a possible dramatic funding cut for a project I volunteer managing. And I haven’t been sleeping well. And I’m hormonal (sorry, just being honest). And there is my desire not to kvetch in writing on the blog…ha ha!

So what I need is anger management. Because I don’t like being angry. It makes the muscles in my shoulders tighten up. It keeps me awake writing emails at 1am. And it keeps me blogging in the middle of the night, because I do better writing my thoughts on paper, revising them, working them around from the negative rage where they start to the opportunity that lies beneath in the end.

At least that is my goal. To find every opportunity behind the adversity. To know that I will celebrate Christmas in my new home with my whole family – thankful that we literally survived, and feeling truly blessed that we were able to rebuild and refurnish. In hopes that my friends find freedom and happiness in the changes thrust upon them. To use this financial situation to ask some hard questions about who we are, what we believe, and what is our purpose in my little group, so that in the end, we may emerge stronger and be better advocates for those we represent.

Oddly, I feel better already, just for having written that. I guess this is what they call “talk therapy.” Thanks for saving me a $50 or $100 copay y’all. Maybe I shouldn’t have given up just yet.

Giving Up

I find great irony that conventional wisdom tells us to do something for three weeks straight to form a habit. And here we are on day 21 of my attempt to blog every day (at least for August) and I am feeling the desire to give up. Not give up forever, but at least the day-to-day. I just don’t feel like I have that much to say. Or I just have whining or kvechting to do, which need not be captured in perpetuity – as it is fleeting, and in the grand scheme of life, really super unimportant.

Sorry, but forcing the issue just isn’t working for me these days (today). And this is supposed to be fun. So I am going to go back to writing when I think I have something I really want to share or that is interesting to say, and hope that you all agree that its interesting too. TTYL.