If I Had $1,000,000…

The winning ticket?
The winning ticket?

So, here’s a funny thing about me: I almost never* play the lottery, and yet, I have a fairly specific plan for what I would do if I win.

  • Pay off my credit cards.
  • Buy (and furnish) a nice house. Not a mansion or anything, just something in my current neighborhood, three bedrooms max.
  • Get a car. Again, nothing fancy. Chances are good I’d be parking it on the street or in an alley, so something small and practical, like a Civic or a Prius.
  • Set up college funds for my nephews and nieces.
  • Pay off the mortgages of my siblings, including my cousins-who-might-as-well-be-siblings.
  • Make sure my mom has whatever she needs/wants.
  • Maybe buy a summer home – the cottage in the Adirondacks I grew up going to would be a top contender, for sure.
  • Invest enough to allow myself a comfortable income – including a generous (very, very generous) travel budget – for life.
  • Start a charitable foundation to give away money to things I want to support, like MS research, literacy programs (childhood and adult), arts in schools (especially theater), historic preservation, women’s health… and so many other things. I guess there would need to be some sort of application process.

Nothing too elaborate or crazy – I mostly think I’d be a terrible rich person. The hardest part would be figuring out how to be generous with people without being either a sucker or an asshole. And judging from the “Curse of the Lottery” shows I’ve seen on E!, that’s the part that ends up dooming most winners.

And yet, despite my concerns about being lousy at being loaded and my general lack of interest in the lottery – I’m not much of a gambler in general, and when the odds of winning are infinitesimally small, I am even less inclined – I bought a ticket today for the absurdly huge MegaMillions jackpot that’s being drawn tonight. (There was no line when I walked by a liquor store on my errands at lunch today. Seemed like destiny.)

I’m pretty sure my plan above will be woefully insufficient in the face of more than half a billion dollars, however. Maybe I could buy a hockey team. I hear the Coyotes might need an owner. The Devils, too, if I’m not mistaken…

Anyone know what time the drawing is?


* I’m not exaggerating how rarely I buy lottery tickets. This is only the second or third time I remember buying one in the entire time I’ve lived in DC – 13+ years.

6 thoughts on “If I Had $1,000,000…

  1. Joanne March 30, 2012 / 10:09 pm

    The Devils need an owner?

    • Sarah March 30, 2012 / 10:15 pm

      Yeah, as of the fall they were near bankruptcy. Haven’t seen an update in a while, though. Maybe things are better now?

  2. Eileen March 30, 2012 / 10:59 pm

    Funny, I saw a story on the news this morning that you’re like 50 times more likely to be hit by lightning than win, which made me wonder of I should buy a ticket. Ha ha. Dunno if Texas plays. Obviously I didn’t buy a ticker.

    Btw, I like your list and would do much the same. But the one complete luxury I’d go for is a masseuse on retainer. Hmmm.

  3. Common loon March 30, 2012 / 11:35 pm

    Eileen gets “best comment ever.” Now I’ve got the Bare Naked Ladies in my head and I need to go to sleep. But this is a very fun thing to contemplate…I do believe we had a single “23” on the ticket my DH surprised us with.

  4. Mom March 31, 2012 / 7:34 am

    And, the numbers were: 2-4-23-38-46. Mega Ball 23! Guess you woulda called if you had ’em, huh 😊. ME = I didn’t even buy a ticket. UnAmerican, I know!! Didn’t even think about the lightening thing, Eileen. Oh well, some of us ARE a dollar richer 😏

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